From the Diary of Judas

It is done.

What has happened cannot be changed.  I dont say that I do not regret it, but if things happened again, I would do the same thing I did.

Would I?

When the pharisees summoned me, I went . When they offered me the 30 silver pieces, I accepted it gladly. I mean, Jesus was always acting so holy, like he was better than the rest of us. Was he?   Argh.

 I know I was his disciple, but the looks he gave me when we were all together...

No they were never condemning. He did not condemn anyone.

However, he knew.

He knew all the times I had tricked some of the other disciples to put money in the common purse, and then took it for my own purposes. He would look at me, and I knew he knew. 

But he would be so smug about the whole thing. Sometimes, whe I was caught, and James and John wanted me punished according to the law, he would tell them to leave me be. Always acting like he knew better than everyone else. I got particularly angry when he announced to the whole group that I would betray him. I left immediately the meal was done. Betray him? He had no idea.

But now, I look at my hands and laugh mirthlessly. I knew he was the son of God, but at the time, I felt so much of a rush that I actually accepted to betray him for 30 silver pieces.

I traded the son of God for...*takes deep breath*  I returned the money, but when I heard he was going to be crucified after the Roman fashion, I ... that should never be done to a man.  

Ther is no mercy for what I have done. 

I twist this rope between my fingers, and I can hear Death calling my name.

#AmazingGrace   #ChristsDeath